24092013 ; All that about myself

Another week had passed. Too emotional, too many inner things happening.. My heart and hand was out of control. I personal message him whenever I feel like doing it when I'm actually supposed to keep everything within myself.

I had no one to talk to now. Wanted to ask Dudu, Hs, Hx and Nicol to accompany me or have a little chat. But they are either busy or didn't reply me.

I feel so so down and I'm feeling extremely "cold" inside out. Feel so so lifeless.

Two days back, I message him and beg him to come back to me. I was literally begging him to come back..
Yes.. I BEGGED. But I have gotten no reply from him (as expected).

Which then, I became more and more intensive.. I asked him to listen to our songs again as it was filled with our beautiful memories. It was the song where we're together and learn to hang on no matter what. I wished he will come back to me.

WISHED. I really really wish so. 

I went to bed after I send him the message and fortunate enough, I silent my tab. I don't know why but I sort of having the insting that he will reply me during the night and IF I happen to read it before I go to bed, for sure I won't be able to sleep the whole night thinking for all the IFs, WILLs and etc...


So, yeapp, He did reply during midnight and I read it this morning. It was heart breaking...

I wonder, how come a girl can be so stupid? I have been hurt for numerous time but still keep trying to receive more negative replies which will make my day worse. Why?

I can't stop imagining that he was either very ill and don't want me to worry (dramatic kind of situation) or he have his very own reason for doing this to us. But I knew that, these are all the reasons that I made for myself in which, the truth is... he changed.

Well, I talked to Angeline and Nicol after I came back from lunch. As usual, they both say the same thing... Let go of him. Not worth or blah blahhh.. The same comforting words.

I get it, I totally get it. But, most importantly... They said, I'm still unable to look forward. Which is true.
I ALWAYS said that I will try or change to look forward, but I never. In fact, I have always been saying... If If If, and etc. Look, I'm still the old me. Crying and stuffs all alone. Even xy also got upset with me now :(


I bet, Angeline is the same too. Sighhh.

Was it me or what, but everything was such a coincident. Everything surrounding me makes me think of him or us. I'm frustrated. Or probably, It was one of the challenge for me to go through?

I hope I really will learn some day. Mean while, picture below is what he told me. It was very clear.

DIE HEART SL DIE HEART. 

Till then.