01062013; All that about ♥

It's been 3 weeks since we've separated. 3 weeks ain't long nor short. But it is long to me as I feel, I have been left all alone again after the 2 years journey. It is  not easy for me to adapt to the relationship thing after 20 years of single life..

It's been great and today, I'm back to single life once more. But this is indifferent, from being double double, now I'm back to single single. IT AIN'T EASY. 

What's more it is my first love, making everything even harder to take... 

Nothing emo, but just to note down what have I dreamt last night. 

It was so real that I think I was tearing in my dream.. . 

He told me that, all this is just a lie and we're back together. I was so happy in dream and I think I was

hopping around.. The feeling was so real and I really thought it is real until I'm awake from sleep. . .

Then I realised it was just a dream. 

It definitely sunk my heart, not a good way to kick start my morning! But I didn't cry though. Waking up with such dream is not cool, what's more it is something that I always wished. It feels like I have just crashed my own mission to make both of us together again. I should have just sleep more..

WHY DO I WAKE UP SO EARLY??

Honestly speaking, even after I'm awake, I was thinking if that was real. But nope, it isn't. 

**Don't worry, stay strong!** 

I know I have been doing a great job here... staying stronger in life although I know what I wanted to achieve in my life for now. It doesn't really affect my life unless something happened. 

Sigh, chat with you last night and it was kinda fun. It made me smile throughout the day and night. I wouldn't think too much for your action as It may be nothing from you. Your reminder and stuffs, it is all too sweet for me now but I'd accept it as an advice from a close friend. Damn, this is sad! 

Anyhow, I will let faith decide. I won't "force" you anymore. Text or  no text. All up to you. 

But most of all, I wish you could accept us once more. 

First day of june, shall stay cheerful and not being emotional! 

Till then. 

Babe ♥

31052013 ; all that about ♥

I can't remember when was the last time you started to care for me every since that day..
But as what I have seen, this two days especially, is where you will talk to me automatically even when I didn't send you a text or what not.

If I didn't ask you that question two days back, for sure I'm going to think that there's hope betweeen us!
You are trying to hint me and we're slowlyyyyyyyyy trying to feel comfortable with one another once more.
It is more of a, trying to know one another again.. But, after that day, I can still remember what you tell me.
I will never forget and now your care keeps me wondering what is it all about since, it is not about love or us.

Why? I don't know, again. 


I really wish to know when we will know the "result". Hopefully this period of time is not for you to test me as I'm just an ordinary girl and not a tester please. If you would like to "test" me,
then please, I'm out of your league.

As you know, I wouldn't wanna be a "success" for your "testing" but if you really love me, we shall try all over again, work things out and no, definitely not testing or trying!

Like, why would you try on your gf or the one you love? Is it either you don't trust or she don't gain your trust. If that's so, why are we still together. Right?

No, I'm not saying that I'm giving up or scolding him. Everything happen for a reason and I'm just expressing what my thoughts are.

I told you I have learnt my lesson and I truly have see things after all that happened, human changes but not in short term. It is a lie if someone could change sooooo much in a short period of time. What's more if that person is changing for you but not changing for a better true self. Why would you want that? It is not sincere at all.


Yes, I may be good at saying and not doing. But I'm going to prove that it is all worth while ONLY IF I WILL BE GIVEN A CHANCE to prove it. I know it is all depends and I will wait for it.


I believe in faith, I used to foresee what would happen to both of us. Family, career, marriage and such.
It may be too early to think all these at the age of 22, but I really did thought of that could happen with you. My life is SUPPOSED to be complete with you, but we have gone to the wrong way for the time being.

There's always a U-turn or a new way out to a new journey, and it is all up to you whether to take the challenge or kept going to the wrong way. If you have chosen to keep going to what you are doing, kept thinking you're right, damn, you are wrong.

I have always be the one who gave you chance to change, you said you did, I didn't see and you told me that no one could change suddenly. Yes, this happen to me too.

Why would you wanna "judge" me in this period of time and "wait" for the "time" to come when even you yourself can't do it usually? I really wish to know what you are thinking though.. .


Guess I was wrong throughout the entire journey and all I wish for is just a chance.


Give a chance to us, to me and to you. Perhaps?



Babe♥

30052013; All that about ♥

Today has been pretty normal. Didn't text him at all because I don't want him to feel be annoyed by me.
But I was kinda surprised that, he actually will text me automatically around 8pm and asked for my current situation.. *Happy girl is happy*

Anyway, I have gotten some bad feed back or comments for this complicated situation.
This is definitely too much for me to take and I don't know how should I face it.

I don't know If I'm correct or I sense wrongly, at first, I could feel that you are trying to hint me on something. it made me feel  that we're recovering slowly..

But until yesterday, I realised that I was wrong and you didn't even bother about the past regardless how much I missed it.

The main reason for not informing our friends that our love is broken two weeks back is because I DON'T WANT THEM TO ASK as I could feel that someone has been trying to be pain in the ass for guessing and tried to make "jokes" with the news. I hated it when things gone this way.

Sis asked me this question today, "You still want to be with him? Is he really that good?".
I kept quiet, I'm not sure if my decision is right but, I just don't feel like giving up just yet.

Maybe, MAYBE I should give myself a time frame to determine and observe how things goes. Although I wanted to be with him again once more, I will still try to made the right decision for myself.
IF, I mean IF things doesn't go right, why should we suffer more right?

I don't wanna sound pathetic for being love-blind for following all your footsteps and do all as you say the entire life blindly. Love is about compromising.. If I did  my part, and you didn't.
Why would I still work hard on it?

I don't know how I should / how I'm thinking now as I'm extremely.. BLANK.
I don't know, I don't know and still, I don't know.


May the faith be with us and guide us through. I'm not being ignorant to you or trying to "hard sell" myself.
But, as much as you need your dignity and pride, I need mine as well. I have been the silly girl texting and waiting for your reply.

Guess, it is time for a reverse... I hope. 


I wish even if we gets to be together again, I wish we really could work hard TOGETHER.
If we fail to do so, meaning.. we will fail entirely. Isn't?



Still, I love you. I miss you.


Babe ♥

29052013, all that about ♥

It's been days since I last blogged but finally, FINALLY I have "graduated" from Degree!

Anyway, the main point of this post is to mark down what has happened today.
I just talked to him about us, telling him how much I miss him being my B. I asked if we could get back before our trip to Bangkok, and he said no.

He said that it is not the time yet, he said MAYBE one day we will be together again.
I'm sad. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is correct or not. I just don't want him to step on me.

Seriously, although I love him. What he is doing may be a little too much. I'm a girl, and this is what you tell me.

"It is good enough that I send you message", Really?

Honestly speaking, although I don't wanna give up but if as time goes.. I may worry that the feeling will be gone and I will give up somehow. I just don't want him to think that, he's everything and he can do all he want. No, I'm working hard, but if didn't. Then why am I working hard?

I will still try to work with your way and hopefully I see some changes.
I'm not bossy, but I don't want to be "dirty-cheap". I have my dignity my dear.

Yes, I love you. but how long are we suppose to wait?

I don't know what's my feeling now. Very very very blank and speechless.




Babe ♥

23052013, all that about ♥

It's been monthsss and almost a year until I touch this blog again.

This is suppose to be the place where I should be posting about my coursework and stuffs.. 

But I only happen to open this again after SOOO LONG and most importantly, I'm done with my course work (Dissertation) and I'm only left with final presentation while will be held 4 days from now.. 

Which is on Monday 27th May 2013 at 9am - 12pm. 

Anyhow, I wish my self and my friends all the best in preparation for the final final FINAL PRESENTATION! :)

So, the main purpose of me touching this blog again is because I wanted to continue what I've been doing lately since 2 weeks back when something happened. 

It is definitely something that NEVER happened to me before, and yes, I got to admit that.. 

I only know how it feels and what has been happening for the past 2 and a half years after "shit" happens.

It's been sooo long since I always thought that I'm ALWAYS right when things happened, but in  fact, 

Guess I did it very badly for not "taking" but hoping that you could "give" what I want.

I never learn from lesson and this goes on for almost a year and one day... 

The big balloon burst and we're done, he said. 

I started writing my thoughts, my feelings and what I do everyday without him in a book since the day. 

Hoping to remind myself what has happened, Improve myself for a better self as well as I could change things.

Yes, I'M SOOO REGRET but things happened and there's no turning back at that moment. But now, 

Am trying really hard to fix things up.. hoping that there will be a U-turn for me to compensate. 

I know we still loves one another and,

I hope and I really wished for a chance. 

Today, 23/05/2013 is the 13th day since we're not together, and I chose to give the book that I used to write my thoughts to him. He is going back to his hometown tomorrow for a week, so, I guess I should let him know what has been happening all these while and hopefully he can see my sincerity from there?

But most of all, I HOPE HE REALLY WILL READ, CAN UNDERSTAND HOW THE BOOK WORKS, and YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WRITING. *I write damnnnn fast that my hand writing is soooo bad until I myself don't understand when I wanted to read back what have I written few days back!* 

-_______-

Anyway, Yes! Let's get started with E-blogging about my thoughts now since the book is not with me nowwwww! 

Today went pretty well. Asked him out for a breakfast and he agreed (:

What keeps me warm at heart is that, I get to hug him, see him and talk to him after someday.. 

I really really miss you and I can't help it. I feel great that we could have such talk and it went pretty well (: 

We talk about almost everything and IT SEEMS I do stand for a second chance. IT SEEMS and I HOPE IT WILL COME TRUE! :D 

No one know how much I love you. Again, All this is no bullshit and not those beautifi-ed words or whatsoever. I write down what came into my mind spontaneously.. Trust me okay?

I would say, It was pretty good today. We all acted normal and it seems like we just had a major fight and we're recovering. I hope so?

Sorry for breaking your heart, You've been strong for so many days.. And Yes, I do understand that.. 

Even the strongest person will fall sick and gets fed up after a long period of time. 

I understand that this is the period of time where you needed a peace of mind. So yeah, I didn't really dare to ask you if we're fine today because I think it is not a appropriate timing for you. 

*ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO ASK SOOOO BADLY!*

I will wait for you and give you all the time you want.  I hope you see what I'm trying to do and understand the situation. 

I don't know what else I could say more as words can't describe how I feel but it acts as our "progression" in  life. Hopefully next time when "we" see this, it is a whole different thing and everything changed. 

It is US, not just you or me. 

Love you, b. 

Babe ♥