05092013 ; All that about myself

I have been blogging regularly this week because It feels like I have things to be shared almost every single day. I have no one to talk to, hence, I ended up recording here.

Yeapp, It's going to be another missing-him-post I guess. Like what I have always been saying, I have been dreaming about him/us/them lately. To be specific, I hasn't been dreaming any more this week but I'm waking up earlier (probably around 6am) and my brain keep thinking on shits.

I remember telling Julian that I have stopped having dreams yesterday and on the night itself, I dream about us again.. US. I was so happy in the dream that we both are actually back together, happily setting dates to go for a date and blah blahhh... I remember him saying that, "Okay la.. we go on a date on thursday alright!" and it was on a tuesday in my dream.

I also remembered waking up in the middle of the dream and I continued sleeping after.. surprisingly,
I continue having dreams of US. This time, the whole set up and story line is different...

I remember it happened in Mawar, when I actually have to meet the gang. I reached earlier and I was happily hopping into the house and saw him laying on his bed, blind folded and watching television in his room. I sat next to him, he unfold his eyes and asked me why am I there... He thought I was going to beg him to be with me again. He told me that "we're over" again.

Then I quickly wrap my arms around his face and I told him that I have been dreaming us and all... Telling how I feel and such.. He then, start kissing me and stops me from talking... I was actually crying and I guess he was touched too... then... I'm awake.

I still can remember his room set up clearly. He's laying facing the window and watching the big TV they used to play football game with...

I have no idea what's wrong with me. I have been trying to stop thinking (Or maybe I wasn't?), but it seems thing got worse. Xy said probably I miss him too much.. It's more than 20 days since we last chat..
Even the last time when we chat, it wasn't even sincere. It seems he was forced because I asked for a gift from him...


I really don't know what's wrong. I'm feeling all numb but I cried sometimes. Hmmm...


Also, I don't know why it seems I'm trying damn hard in search for another one. I'm not sure if I really likes them or it was just I'm too desperate? Siew Leng, think properly, feel properly. Don't make other's life miserable even when yours is miserable.

You'll surely have one who loves you to the bit in the future.
(I hope I will)

Too many things happening lately, and I'm getting more and more frustrated towards twisted mankind. You once said someone shouldn't do "this this this", but you ended up be the one who does it.

Boo you freak, you don't keep your promise!



Till then.