06062013 ; All that about ♥

It's been 2 days since I last updated my blog and hereby updating the current status of mine.

Yesterday went pretty well but still, I failed to convince him. Or maybe I should say.. Things remain unchanged, no rejection, no improvement but just plain expressing ourselves again.

I asked him "What is he thinking, what do he want" for numerous time but I haven't gotten any answer yet.
I talked to Xinyi and she said, she is afraid that he wanted to tell me something after the trip.

I'm not sure what she really mean or maybe it has no meaning at all or just because she doesn't wanna hurt me. Probably.. he thought of really call it off after the trip so that it won't spoil my mood for the trip?

Well, I'm not sure and it is still a mystery. I told him that I was brave to show him my "inner side" for numerous times when he has been trying to avoid these "sensitive questions" according to him.

I really wish to know what is he thinking or what would be his next step..
As much as I wanted to find out but at the same time, I'm afraid for the day to come..

What I mean is, I'm afraid if he say the word again for the second time. As I'm writing this now,
honestly speaking, I could feel the pain in my heart. I dare not think of what's going to happen as much as I wanted to find out. But of course I hope it will go the way that I want! >.<


I'm really reaLLY REALLY worried! :'( 


Yesterday went well in the morning when we started to have a little chat and all. But I teared a little when I saw the basketball girl's name appeared first in his phone's whatsapp list. "Jess Siow". . .

He asked me what's wrong, but I gave him all sort of answers.. Sleepy, wipe sweat and etc.
I'm not sure if he knew what's wrong but I guess he may not be interested to know what's wrong with me for being jealous of other girls when I'm just not as how I used to be.

I.. I.. just couldn't say that I'm not his ... anymore. I can't. I just can't.
I can't let go. My heart really sunk. Really..  


I'm really trying hard to fix things up and I wish you know what am I doing.

I showed him the video he made me for our 15th Monthsary. Well, we both tear a little. I could see the tears in his eyes. I do not know what he is thinking.. I wish to know, but what if it is not what I'm thinking?

You get what I mean?

He tried to return me my clothes in his closet, my card and everything. but after awhile, guess he knew I'm a little upset.. So he decided to bring it to Bkk for me.


I actually planned to accompany him in the room for a day yesterday after we're done at the immigration and lunch since he have been alone for all day and night before this, but when I first tell him.. He rejected me. Giving me all sorts of reasons like..
"The room is hot, the house is dirty and dangerous... etc..." 

I tried soooooo hard to squeeze myself into his life. Showing him videos, making reasons so that he allow me to step into the room with him.. But after all that, I still don't know what all those really mean.

He asked me that why didn't I tell him earlier that I planned to have dinner with him as he already have plans with his friends for dinner.. But the question is... Even if I tell you the day before...

What will be your reaction? Will you allow me to accompany me? 

I was pretty upset but he promised me that on friday, we'll go pick up our passports in the morning,
followed by movie then dinner. I was soooooooooooOooooOOOO happy when he tell me this!

I nod  my head like a little girls and smiled at him! :')

But whether it is going to happen or not, It is soon to find out tomorrow. I could feel a little hope when I left Mawar yesterday, but I received a msg from him just minutes after I left...

This is what he mentioned in the sms ,
"I can still give you hug and care you because we are best best right?Are we?" 

Well, how should I respond to him? My heart was a little trembling when I first read it, thinking how to reply.. and I finally decided to reply in such..

"Not everything has to be all clear. Shall leave some space for others to decide what it really means. But if you really want an answer, I can only say.. "Yes, Probably"." 


So, are you happy with my answer? Anyhow, I didn't like your sms :'(
It hurt sooo bad. . .


I have so much to tell today, It feels like I need a video to record it down or what.
Am still wondering if I should show him videos tomorrow, or talk cheeky stuffs or whatever.
Still very undecided! But at the same time, worried that he will be overdosed with all those by me :X


Well, maybe I should just.. respond according to situation. I guess for the time being, I should just enjoy the moment with him tomorrow and treat it as a "date" and try to make him feel sweet and stuffs.

**Siew Leng, maybe you should consider not saying anything cheeky at the beginning!* 


Alright, guess that's it for today. Whether will there be part II today, I shall leave that to fate.


F.A.I.T.H and H.O.P.E 

Am still believing in it and still hang on tight.
Love you. 


Babe  ♥