24062013 ; All that about ♥

LOVE?

It's been 2 weeks since I last updated because I finally have witnesses the truth, the ugly truth.

Just on the 11th June, exactly one month after we broke up...

As I pushed the door... I saw him walking out with another girl. My heart felt. Dropped down.
Shocked and speechless...

I asked him why is she here and he told me that they had lunch with Simon in the afternoon and they were in the house to have a little chat.

Then I brave myself to ask him a question... "You like her?".
And his answer was, "Yes".

I asked him, "How long have you liked her?" and his answer was... "few weeks ago."

I couldn't breathe at the moment. I asked him a lot of questions, do you still love me? do you respect me? what is all this? can you really let go all this? etc etc etc.

I... couldn't believe my eyes and my heart stop beating.

We broke up a month ago and he like the girl few weeks back. How should I respond?


We talked a little more and I went to gym. As I was on my way to pick Ugly, I called Huixin, Xin Yi and Vin  Sze. I cried out loud, driving with lots of pain.


There are a lot of things that my friends knew or saw throughout the month and I was the only one who didn't notice and unaware. I thought giving him freedom and trust would be the key to a successful relationship.
But, guess I was wrong.

They have been seeing the girl coming to the house looking for him, going out together or even bumped into them during dinner outside. Even the blurrest Rou Ying knew and asked Xin Yi about us.

Christopher actually told me that, the girl has made her way into the house during the week when we are doing our presentation board... To be specific, it was just a week after we break up.

I'm not saying that he cheated on me, in fact, he didn't.

They did this "truth moment" game when we're at the Skybar and they asked him questions.
I knew they were asking about us because I noticed the change in their tone... As in, suddenly...
Everything became sooooooooooo quiet and soft. I couldn't be bothered.

In fact, I feel it is good for him to express himself. As for myself, I have expressed way too much that my friends started to hate be struggling for this relationship. They asked me to let go, life goes on...




But I'm too stubborn to let go.




I love him very much, I gave him my heart. I told him, He knew.
To be honest, even until now. this moment... I still can hardly believe what has happened.

He is already dating another girl for about two weeks and I'm all alone.


Huixin told me that, the end of relationship doesn't mean the end of everything. But to me, for now,
It is.

Back in Bangkok, the last night at Bangkok,
I confronted and talked to him. I told him that,
I really really loves him.

But no matter what, I won't be their 3rd party. It is just not me. But for me to let go,
It won't be as easy as everyone else say too. I used to hate being alone, I always have you to be with me.
Whether we text or call, sleep or what. You once told me that,

"We don't have to see each other all the time because when we close our eyes, we will be able to see one another already.."

I just read your blog again and I really can feel how happy you were at the beginning.
We've been so sweet together. Happy happy and HAPPY for you to describe your words.


I never expect we will be like this now... As I tried to go closer, you will bounce further.


I know I should give up by now. Vin Sze , Christopher and everyone said I should stop everything by now.
I know, but it is hard for me.

I'm afraid of everything. Losing you, doing things alone and etc.

I have been a dependent Girlfriend but I acted like a man.

Although the percentage of us getting back together is beyond negative, but probably I should just keep a smalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll space for you?


Urghh. I don't know what am I doing. Getting more and more silly and stubborn.
Anyhow, Just wish that you're happy.


As always, let me know if you needed me. I will always be there for you my love.
Whether you love me or not, It doesn't matter.

I'm silly and I knew it. God, show me my way.


My life has to go on. Whatever promises, all should be gone by now. He is happily dating with Jess.

Love or no love. We shall see by then. Just gotta keep updating and see how thing goes.
I lied if I said I've given up hoping.





Till then.