03082013 ; All that about ♥

Just another day where I feel like posting a post on my recent everything...

I have just posted a post yesterday and here's another one. Because I do feel that, I really have too many things stuck in me and I don't know who / how should I express it out. There are too many things that I feel like SHOUTINGGGGGGGG OUT but, I know I can't. 

They are meant to be kept within myself and this is what makes me feel so so bad :( 

I used to be the one expressing myself all the way, but knowing "that" certain thing that I can only keep to myself.. It hurts so so bad. 

I used to have him with me in all this, but now? zzz... 

Yeaaaaa, I'm feeling all down down down downnnn again. 

I cried almost everyday and I just don't understand why am I becoming more and more "insane" day by day.Or, it feels like.. It is getting more and more unbearable. 

I don't know who can I talk to or who will entertain me. 

I talked to Vs, xy and hx but it was just the same, they could only heal my pain temporary. 

Telling me not worth it and stuffs.

As of now, I wish.. I could lost all those memories in my brain so that I can feel less pain. 

I started to think weird stuffs, and perhaps, it has gone a little too narrow. 

I have also thought of doing stupid stuffs to gain his mercy. But, another side of mine told me that... 

"No, It ain't gonna work". I know he doesn't give a damn about my life any more. 

I know I will not hurt myself or do anything stupid because I know how precious my life is. 

I wouldn't act like those who gave up on their life for someone who doesn't dear them. 

No, NO I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. 

Probably just... I needed more time. 

I thought I was all good and everything is in control. I stopped missing him and even so, It is all under my control. But I just don't understand why... why these days I have gone this nuts again?

It's been days since I dream of him at night. But, as I wake up.. the first image that I see is all about him. It is like.. As I open my eyes, the first question that came into my mind is..

 "What is he doing? Why he doesn't love me and blah blahh". .. 

Why is all this so hard?

I tried to control myself. Telling myself not to think of him/us any more. 

I punched the wall but it doesn't hurt as much as my heart does. I feel like having a pillow talk with my siblings... but I just don't get a nice chance or time to do so. Maybe... maybe tonight?

I know I shouldn't have do all this. There are alot more things that I shouldn't be doing but.. 

I JUST CAN'T GET IT DONE YET! 

Oh my, my mood swing again. I hate being alone and I hate everything about you. 

How could I fall so deeply to you and you can fall for someone else so easily after?

It's been almost 3 months and look what's happening to me. I don't have a life.

I'm doomed. I'm stuck with all the old memories. I wish to find a way out for myself...

but I'm just too stubborn! 

I tear a little when I heard some songs. The song you used to sing to me... Forever Love eh? 

Stupid. So so stupid. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! 

It's just another day where, I'm officially missing you.
I wanted to post the song on Facebook, but I know I can't be acting pathetically any more.
So, nope. It hurts but so what?

The other day, I told someone that "I'm a strong woman" but he said,
"No matter how strong a woman is, she will have a weak point too".

Yes, I have been acting as if I'm strong and even thought myself is strong. But in fact, I'm one toufu.

I'm just, too stupid too speechless.

Till then.