02082013 ; All that about ♥

It's been another week since I last blogged again and yeaaa, I mentioned about a crush? in the previous post? NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, It is confirmed that... 

It is just another crush. 

Now I feel NOTHING for him, and bet he's happy with his life too. No one has ever bother about my life, 

What am I to them? -__- Blardy hell. 

Anyway, 

Back to the topic... These few days has been the craziest days ever in my life. Everything turned upside down once more. The strong feeling of having him again is back and I have just.. sent him a message via fb telling him that I still loves him and such. 

I mean, Yeaaa, I do feel a little better after expressing myself. But, how would he feel? 

Again, I'm feeling allllllllll pathetic now. Crying and emotionally unstable.. I tend to cry every second or gets angry whenever I see any of their friend tagged THEM regarding any post. 

I.JUST.HATED.IT.SO.SO.MUCH! Wtf bitch or dude. Really.. WTF!

He actually reads it and replied " ok.thank you". 

I was overwhelmed, because as far as I know.. I only wish that he know what am I still thinking about. 

Yes, until now.. I really do loves him alot. I cried this morning and texted all my darlings... 

I told them that I can stand no more and I feel like going to confront him once more, 

telling him how much I love him and such... and probably, beg him back?

But as predicted, All the feedback are NEGATIVE. 

They said it is not worth (I know), but I just can't get rid of him from my mind :( 

I do still feel that, if.. what IF on 10/5 that day... If I texted and let him know earlier.. 

Probably PROBABLY he wouldn't have done such decisions? Maybe? blah blah blahhhhhhhh... 

BUT, it is all too late again :'( 

WHYYYYYYYY? 

Up till now, I still wish I could have him back.. I thought I'm all good after so long but no, 

I lied. It will be officially 3 months since we broke up on the 11th this month and I can tell that... 

It WON'T be good to me. Whatever it is, on every 26th and 11th.. I will not be good. 

I doubted my own ability. 

I'm actually prepared to be scolded by my darlings once I sent them the text, and yes, as predicted.. Vs scolded me and such. I just hope that they won't give up on me. Please? :( 

Really too many things happening around and whatever it is.. 

I just can find my way to relate myself into it and think back what we both have discussed earlier. 

Things like, introducing him to my family during SQ and all.. but he didn't show up and such. 

Urghhh, it is too heart breaking and I really do envy Vs and ming for being able to go through all this for so long. I really do. 

Now, I'm really not sure what's going to happen in the future but I can only wish for the best for myself? 

Pretty please? :'( 

Anyway, for now. I really would love to hear from him. His everything.. 

I know he do not need me back, but I will always be there for him. Silly much? :( 

i always said that, I dare not wish, but I'm still wishing for it >.< 

Urghhhhhh! I'm getting out of my mind! I just hope that, I could stop crying and look forward. 

Really, I need to get a life. 

Same goes to you too, my dear friend who will be reading this. 

We shall work hard together, maybe to look forward but not backwards. 

I know I sound like I'm bullshitting, but I really am twisted at times! I'm not sure what I want and such. 

I just hope that I wouldn't give up on anything now. 

Ps : I almost give up and it seems I will do silly stuffs >.< 

No, I won't kill myself but I don't know la!!!  

Goddddddddd. Please, just let us go through this. 

I may not have the strength to go any further any more, am still trying now. 

I shall stop bullshiting. 

Till then.