It's been 5 days / almost a week since I last updated about my wish to have the "full stop" in my life.
I should stop acting like crap and living miserably... Simply because..
I'm young and I'm sure I will find someone who dear me A LOT in the future!
YES, I'm positive like that! ;)
Anyhow, as much as I wish I could let go... Damn dream "marathon" is back! It happened probably in alternative nights. I told xy that, before I've decided to let go, It seems the "marathon" is over... but once I've promised myself that I'm letting go... The "marathon" is back -_-
Why?
She said I'm still unable to let go even when he have already left for months.
My heart stunned awhile.
The other day, I was under depression because I'm undecided if I should get him a graduation gift.
It has been bothering me for a couple of days and I burst out of tears last Sunday (19th August 2013).
I know that I shouldn't be stubborn and xy comforted me.
I even, send her a message and pretended it is him telling him that I'm still loving him regardless what he have done to me. I'm still that silly girl and how much I wish to have him back and etc.
I sounded silly once more and I have just made my night more miserable... I cried.
It's been 3 months and It seems I haven't get over it. Why?
Too many things has been bothering me... memories and stuffs. But, I gotta move on.
Moving into a brand new chapter... and probably... moving to another new living space too.
Mum and siblings have sort of decided in buying and shifting into a new house in Serdang. It is not confirmed yet, but the chances are quite high... and I wonder if it's good for me? Since I'm one of those who doesn't like changes and all. Urghhh! Knowing that It will be hard for me, but a change in environment may be good to me as well eh?
Well, let's just hope for the best!
Anyhow, today, I'm here to record what has been in my mind again...
Let me further elaborate more on the dream "marathon" that has been bothering me since day 1 after we broke up.
So, just this morning / last night, I dreamt of them again. This time... It is about him being funny and stubborn. We were at somewhere in the college with the gang and he showed up with his red and white basketball jersey barefoot... He walked towards us with his gf next to him and didn't even bother to look at me at first...
(well, I don't know why I can remember his outfit so clearly)
He asked us about the relationship status in the registration for college. As in, there's a column where you will have to fill in your couple's name. So, that explained why he is here with his gf and wanting to change her name in the Gf column (I suppose it is my name previously) and gave us a blank look...
Meanwhile, when he is asking us.. I could see his gf playing with his hand and stuffs.
It was so annoying. I got upset and I think If this dream was real, I'm going to say...
"Can you please leave him alone? He's talking" -_-
Bodoh. SUPER BODOH OF ME!
Leonard who was also in my dream, tell him that It is not necessary for him to do.. No one will ever bother about your gf's name. Then I voiced up to him... Pushed him leaning against a car nearby.
Telling him what he is doing, how he has been treating me and blah blahhh.. I scolded him loudly in front of everyone. I shouted and cried! Then, I'm awake from the dream... and I can't remember how was my reaction.
Again, I woke up feeling miserable and feeling-less.
I DON'T KNOW LAHHH.
Let's see how things goes. I shall be strong! Stronger than ever to live my life happier.
Till then.
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