11082013 ; All that about ♥

It is 1:20 A.M. on 11th August 2013...

It may be just-another-day to others...
but, it is the most heart felt day to me because this is the day where our love story has ended.

Dated : 26/01/2011 - 11/05/2013.

It's been 3 months... and hereby, I would like to make a disclaimer that, I'm giving up in everything.
Friends... love.. or anything which is related to him. I've been struggling too long over the same thing/person.

I believe in love at first sight, first love and such.. but I'm the only one who could feel this pain now.
No matter what I do, how I feel or anything... he just doesn't give a damn any more.

Love has ended and that's it.

It's been so long but I can't help myself being stubborn!
I have been thinking and struggling too much on things which I think it is essential for me to know or find out but in fact, even if I know the truth.. It makes no different to me and us.

I've always been blamed for thinking negatively and stubborn for "rights" and guess..
I should just.. let things go.. "things" that doesn't belongs to me... any more...


If I'm given a chance to talk to him again, I will have TONNES of questions for him.
All the what why where when how and such... I will NEVER have enough questions. It will never end as I've always thought that... why can't we work things out earlier? Why don't you give me a chance and blah blah?

I think.. I'm just born this way, stubborn in all ways. Sighh. 


As I'm writing this, I could feel all the pain at heart. It is too hard to let go.. but, what can I do?
I still can't help looking at your profile, checking all your latest updates... but why am I making myself so pathetic?

I've been expressing myself to you, telling you how much I love you.. and even, wish your father happy birthday. But, All I got was... your ignorance.

Maybe to you, I don't even deserve a thing. But it's okay...
You've just taught me what life is and I've learnt my lesson. I hope I'd never be funny and stupid again.
Life goes on.

Again, It is always easy to say, but hard to be done.
I have been saying this sooo many times and I wouldn't say that I failed big times.. but just,
maybe.. maybe.. I just failed a little. I think, I can do this. at least...this time!

Anyhow, there are soooooo many things that I wanna say in this post! But as I started to write...
My mind is all empty... That explained why am I crapping and talking about the sameeeeeeeee old thing again and again like an old woman -_-


This post is supposed to be the "ending" point of all my pathetic story (I hope It works!) from the beginning until the end and I hope I will never ever redo it again!

Yeaaa, our love story started in a dramatic way.. He, asked me to be his girlfriend through a video in youtube with my favourite song " Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars".

I can still remember that... he said, " I like you sll " and then followed by, "Can you be my girlfriend?"...
His confession and everything, was done via MSN and youtube and I think I still have that copy of his promises to me that he will treat me very very good at the beginning.

Yea, very dramatic and fairytale much? Ya, I loved it very much.
It was simple and direct but, guess that's what wins my heart.


His sincerity and all, it is beyond comparable. He's not the smartest or hottest guy among our friends.. but just, he is my man. The one I love.

I also remember that, on our 2nd valentine's day.. He.. bought me a F.Timber purse.
It is ugly but the story behind is truly beautiful.

He doesn't have much money, so, that purse... Is all that he could afford to me.
I cried, and I melted once more. He promised me to buy me another better one in the future...

But, we don't have the chance any more.


There are lots of thing that he have done for me. I love it and you.
Again, I'm sorry that our love turned this way. So so ugly.

I hated you for not letting me try, leaving me when I needed you the most.
But still, you was once my man. I'd never forget the things that we've been through...

Recently I also told him that,
I still loves him as much as how I used to but I just can't show and don't know how to show.
I'm sorry that... we can't accomplished things that we wanted to do it together earlier.


I'm so sorry, my dear. I'm sorry for hurting you, I don't mean it.
I thought we would try. But as for now, never mind...


I finally finally get to express myself out the other day by talking on the phone with Julius.
Our conversation was about 3 hrs and I feel slightly relieved.

I cried my lungs out. Eyes are all swollen and I can barely sleep at night because it hurt so bad.
That night was the most painful night I ever had but at least, I get to express myself once more and that is the night where I feel, I really should be letting go and live my life happier.

I should be out there searching for my happiness and not trapped with my past.
There are A LOT more that I should be writing, but yahh... I just.. suddenly forgotten about it again.

My siblings knew I was crying and they are all worried about me. I'm sorry and thankful to those who have been staying by my side whenever I needed them. Their hug, shoulders, ears and words of wisdom... is all I need and I just, couldn't ask for more.


Their love is one of a kind. Thank you!


So yeahh, I have done whatever I can do.. I tried, failed but at least.. no regrets.
I love you but I just had to let you go. I hope you're happy and so am I.

Yea, I'm in this love/hate situation to you and that fellow. Last but not least,
fuck you bitch for the last time! ( I don't care and I just wanna say it!!!!)

But still, as far as I'm letting go.. I'm wishing for the best for myself. Hoping to let go and will be able to change for a better self. My anger and such... I hope I can pull this off, Perfectly.

No matter what, I will still be there for you whenever you needed me. As a friend or whatever.
I think this is the only thing that I could offer you and myself now even if you don't ever needed it...
Silly right?

I'm finally willing to let go slowly after so long and I'd hope it works!
There are too many things that I need to say, but I can't remember.. again! -_-

Anyway,
Let's just hope for the best for myself.


Love, is all about communication and compromising. No one is perfect.
The end.


Will add on if I have anything else in mind! :P




Till then.